From an outsider’s perspective, age-gap relationships can be easy to judge. Public figures, in particular, often face intense scrutiny for dating much older or younger partners—especially when it becomes a pattern (yes, we’re looking at you, Leo).

However, experts suggest there’s no universal “ideal” age gap for a successful relationship—as long as everything is legal.

“We can’t choose who we fall in love with,” says counselor Sedef Salim. “While societal and cultural biases exist around significant age gaps, what truly matters is the unique connection between the two individuals.”

She adds, “If a relationship is built on love, trust, acceptance, and a shared understanding of the potential challenges, then the ‘ideal’ age gap varies from couple to couple.”

Is There an Age Gap That’s Too Large?

Determining an upper limit for an age gap is tricky, according to psychotherapist Toby Ingham, author of Retroactive Jealousy, Making Sense of It.

“There used to be a rule of thumb that a younger partner’s age should be at least half your age plus seven,” he explains. “But that guideline may now be outdated.”

Still, he acknowledges that significant age differences can present challenges.

“In my work, I’ve seen intergenerational relationships struggle,” he says. “When the age gap mirrors a parental dynamic or spans different generations, complications often arise over time. For instance, a partner from a previous marriage may have children the same age as their new spouse.”

Making an Age-Gap Relationship Work

For those in relationships with significant age differences, Salim emphasizes the importance of discussing potential challenges early on.

“Topics like having children together can be complex,” she explains. “Has the older partner already raised children in a previous relationship? Are they at a stage in life where they’re willing and able to start that journey again? Could age-related fertility concerns come into play?”

Health and mobility are also important considerations.

“If the age gap becomes more noticeable as time passes, it may bring the phrase ‘in sickness and in health’ into sharper focus,” Salim adds. “This can be a different reality than that of two similarly aged partners growing old together.”

Though these conversations can be difficult, they are essential for building a strong, lasting partnership. In the end, a successful age-gap relationship can be one where differences bring a unique dynamic—making the time spent together all the more meaningful.